pensamentos de vagueamento

Yesterday I watched paramedics do CPR on a friend, and then load him into an ambulance. The whole way to the hospital I was sure he was dead. The whole situation was too close to the one when my aunt died. Thankfully, I was wrong. He had a bunch of tests run this morning, and by the time I saw him late this afternoon he was cranky. He and the nurse were arguing, he with quite colorful language, about what type of insulin he was going to take and he was threatening to sign himself out AMA.

This morning, the project I’ve been working on since May wrapped up very successfully, despite perhaps the hopes from some that it wouldn’t which would give a reason to make my life even more difficult. As it stands now, for the first time in over a month I feel as if I can take a deep breath and stop worrying about whether or not I’m going to be employed (at least for a while).

I have a new shower head, one of those rain shower things, which I managed to install myself without injuring myself. As tempted as I was to rig up a way to climb (like standing on the vanity and leaning across to reach which might have worked), I got out the little ladder and used it instead. If I’d waited a week I might have made a different choice.

So now all I need to do is get through work tomorrow and finish packing. My flight to Vegas leaves mid-morning Friday. The only possible glitch at this point would be if I’m dehydrated when I get to chemo. If I am, there’s no way I’ll make the plane because the time is doubled when that’s the case. I don’t intend for that to happen, but I’m going to make myself drink a little extra water between now and Friday morning just to make sure.

The day of and after a treatment I’m exhausted. A week later I begin to feel nauseous, then hot (as in nothing seems to make me feel cool) from day 8-10. Sunday was day nine, and I’ve spent most of the past five hours lying on the tile floor, trying desperately to ward off nausea and to cool off. I keep reminding myself that in a few short days I’ll have my last treatment, which means in a few short weeks all this will be behind me. But it’s hard at moments like these.

Especially because I know I have to get up in a few short hours and go to work…